If I Were a Boy…

“Is that little Chinese boy going to make my drink?”

So, yeah, a customer at Starbucks asked another barista this. I was walking away from him while he was paying. I stopped and it took everything I had not to turn around and be like, “Seriously?” The man was older, probably in his late 70’s. Him pointing out that I was Chinese was a generation thing. At least that’s what I told myself. I didn’t turn around so I’m not sure what his response was when the overwhelmingly embarrassed barista that was ringing him up said, “That’s Kari. She’s a girl.”

Last night I went out to the club I am pretty much a regular at. It’s a little hole-in-the-wall strip club named Sunset Strip Club. It’s very small. There are 2 stages and usually on the weekends when I go, there are no more than 5 dancers working at one time. I like it. It’s usually not really slammed-packed busy but there are enough people to do some good people watching. I usually go to see my friend Megan. She’s the bartender there and I like to sit and chat with her. I met Megan at Starbucks where she was a regular. We started talking and she said she bartended at a club called The Runway. It wasn’t far from Yahoo so Sean, Matt and I would go over there for dinner sometimes after work. After going a couple of times I started sitting at the bar and chatting with her. She’s super cool. Very down-to-earth and outgoing. I was sad when she told me she was leaving and going to Sunset Strip Club in Beaverton. Turned out that Sunset was actually closer to my house and right across from the street where Matt and Jesy went frequently. I go to visit and actually forget that there are naked girls dancing right behind me.

Anyways, there was a fundraiser there last night. It was packed! There wasn’t an open parking spot available. I always Lyft there, so it didn’t bother me. I haven’t seen it that busy maybe ever. I wasn’t planning on so many people being out because it was a Thursday night. I was wrong!

I didn’t feel like getting all dressed up to go out that night. I was going by myself and jeans and my Converse sounded pretty comfy. I wore a black v-neck shirt (big surprise) and jeans. I of course was dripping with my shiny silver jewelry as well. I put on a puffy vest that has a grey sweatshirt material hood on it. I got to the club and for some reason, as I was getting out of the Lyft, I felt like I looked like a guy. I wasn’t too worried about it. The thought just crossed my mind.

I got inside and found a couple of other guys that are always there. We were saying hello and I said, “I feel like I look like a dude right now.” It was just a joke and I was taking off the vest that was the icing on the cake of the dude-looking outfit. I was pretty much wearing the same outfit that I wear every time I go there. Jeans and a black shirt, just without heels this time. There was a tall guy standing around 3 people over from me that I hadn’t really acknowledged yet. I was busy trying to figure out where to put my vest. While I was getting situated at the bar I happened to make eye contact with him for the first time. He was kind enough to nod his head and say, “Yeah you do” back at me. I usually laugh it off when something like that happens, but for some reason, this stranger telling me that was kinda annoying. Turned out he was kinda a pompous asshole so I didn’t really let it phase me. But, it was just another dude comment that I was lucky enough to be able to add to the long list of comments.

I don’t feel like I usually look like a guy. I always wear jewelry. ALWAYS! I am super self-conscious about it if I don’t. Then I really do feel like I could very possibly be mistaken as a guy. I have boobs and high cheekbones that I don’t feel are a characteristic that guys usually have. Maybe it’s a quick look out of the corner of people's eyes thing? When I leave the apartment, me wondering if I look too masculine rarely crosses my mind. It’s not like it’s a concern I dwell on and wonder about each time I go out. I am conscious of it though and just when I haven’t thought about my “You’re a dude” incidents, here comes another super attentive complete stranger that feels the need to comment. It’s funny and reaffirms that people are idiot assholes.

Enter Karen at Starbucks

Karens make Miss Swan look like a damn cakewalk!

It’s a known fact that many Starbucks connoisseurs, both women, and men, can tend to be a bit of a “Karen” type customer. I guess another way of putting it is that customers can be entitled as fuck! People always think that customers are liked or disliked because of the specifications for their drink. WRONG! Baristas are trained to make anything! It’s pretty much the same as ordering a cocktail at a bar. Specifications are just details to include in a drink. It’s not the order people! It’s the damn pissy, snide, rude, and straight-up entitlement that customers portray that make baristas want to jump over the counter, rip their heads off and shit down their throats!

Personal example: A woman is immediately welcomed into the store while entering through the front door. No response. No eye contact. You are a pile of shit that is only good for one thing…to make their drink. I don’t feel like this is a horrible crime. It’s not difficult for someone to be courteous enough to reply, but it’s not a requirement that may determine if they are going to be an asshole or not. There was a line of around 5 people and 2 baristas taking orders and ringing people up. In other words, baristas have been deployed to their positions and obviously, there is nothing more either barista can do to move the line along quicker.

Now yes, the turnover rate at Starbucks is extremely high. There is always someone in training. I can guarantee you that person is nervous as fuck and freaking out about everything they have to remember. There’s working the POS system which includes every specification possible on multiple, labeled screens that make no sense, there’s cash handling and then there’s the big one, making drinks.

It took me over a year to build up the courage to apply at Starbucks. I didn’t drink Starbucks coffee unless I got a Frappuccino on a Friday or for a special occasion. The thought of looking at the menu and having to know how to make all of the drinks is terrifying. When I started, there were no stickers that would print out with the drink order and specifications. We had to write everything using the option boxes on the side of the cup. This meant we had to remember the drink acronyms for every drink! Overwhelming much? I made flashcards and used to go to Denny’s every morning before or after my shift to study. I’m not sure remembering shit in college or even high school was as annoying as this! You don’t know how to make the drink, but need to know how to write the drink info on the cup.

So yes, there may be a line and a new person trying their best to take orders. Chill out! You saw the length of the line and could most likely see the speed of service being provided. Customers have the option of waiting in line or taking their impatient ass somewhere else. Or, this never happens…go without! So being impatient and annoyed because you had to wait in line is only taking up time that could be used to get your drink made.

This woman probably waited 3 minutes in line to get to the front. She had to greet the barista with a, “Finally” comment because that’s gonna make someone want to be courteous and help you out even more. Think people! It’s called a filter! Many need to put on in place! The woman spouts out, “I want my regular” to the barista at the register. Seriously? This person has obviously never taken your order before and you expect her to know what your “regular” is? Once again…seriously? The barista did her best to get the order in as the woman spit it out as quickly as possible making it almost impossible for the girl to get into the register. She pays and as she walks away, the barista says, “Thank you.” The woman responded with, “Yeah.”

The woman stepped in front of everyone else waiting for their drink at the handoff plane. She felt the need to hover over the barista making her drink to ensure that her drink is made correctly. Now, I understand wanting your drink to be made correctly. Shit! You just paid $6 for it! It damn well better be delicious! Totally understandable! But hovering and walking the barista through making a drink that actually wasn’t even hers, was quite annoying.

It got worse. I saw the situation happening and told the barista to take their time and concentrate. As I walked away, the woman snapped her fingers at me and yelped out, “Excuse me. Hey you!” I looked back, made eye contact with her, turned back around, and walked away. Here’s my mindset. I wasn’t getting paid anywhere near enough, if there was even an amount of money that I would have dealt with for that, and I was over it. The supervisor on the floor watched everything that had happened. No, I know that’s not the way I should have handled it, BUT, for me at Starbucks, because the level of rudeness could get extremely ridiculous, I had made a decision that there were situations that I needed to deal with, ones I needed to walk away from and let management deal with since that’s their job and things that were worth getting fired over. This one wasn’t that, but I did feel that me walking away was probably the best way for me to handle things, given the situation. Customer service-wise, not the best option. For the woman’s safety and for me to keep quiet without commenting, most def the best course of action to take.

I didn’t hang around to see what happened after that. I really didn’t care. I did feel bad for the barista that had to make her drink and be friendly to, because no matter what the situation is while in that position, you have to put on your happy-go-lucky face and attitude and just become everyone’s little bitch if need be. I hated making drinks. Surprise, surprise I know.

Whatever you want, we can do. So be nice to your barista!

Holes On My Head

I’ve got holes on my head!

I am 100% positive that there is something about me, perhaps posted on my forehead, that makes people think they can say just about anything to me.

“Did you take into consideration the holes on the back of your head before you shaved it?”

To start off with…who says that?? Why would someone think that is an appropriate question to ask?

I was in Victoria’s Secret just standing in line when this woman asked her completely, inappropriate question. I have a couple of “holes” or circular areas where I don’t have any hair on my head. I actually had never thought about them until this woman brought it up.

I try and put myself in other people’s shoes before confirming that I believe they are idiots. I tried multiple scenarios for this one, but came up empty handed. I honestly cannot think of any reason that would lead me to believe this is an appropriate thing to say to someone. I really don’t care who you are.

It’s like when people give me stuff because they think I am sick and dying because of my hair. I don’t want to deal with hair so I shave my head! No biggie! Going every 10 days to get it shaved, yes I make and appointment and pay someone to do it, is about all of the time and energy I can put into it. Laziness. I’m fine with it and have accepted my attitude towards having hair. Same thing with make-up. Excessive makeup takes too long and can be unattractive. So hey, don’t wear any, or hardly any, and problem solved! I put on powder and might even put on some mascara if it’s a special occasion or I feel like it. I don’t need any reason either way.

Bonus! It rains and I don’t have to worry about my hair. It gets hot and I don’t have to worry about my makeup smearing. I feel tired and want to take a nap, so I do. I can nap anywhere I want and can wake up at any point during the day and git-up-and-go! No standing in front of the mirror fixing my concealer or blending my, whatever the hell it is that women use those funny shaped sponges to do.

People say I look dikey. They ask if I shaved my head because of “G.I. Jane,” Natalie Portman in “V for Vendetta” or Britney Spears. Given, they only ask this once they’ve confirmed I’m not dying and am in perfectly good health so there was no reason to give me candy (yeah, that’s a thing. She’s sick and dying, let’s give her candy). The worst though, is when people ask what my husband said when I did it? They say, “My husband would’ve killed me!” First off, why would I ask anyone let alone my husband, if I have their permission to shave my head? He came home and viola, my hair was gone! Deal with it. Get over it if necessary. I didn’t even bring it up before I did it. I didn’t even think to bring it up before I did it. It was what I wanted and completely 100% my choice. I really can’t imagine doing or not doing something like this that I want to do because of what anyone else thinks. It wasn’t “empowering.” I didn’t make me feel more “free.” I didn’t want to deal with my fucking hair so I shaved it!

“Did you take into consideration…”